I thought that today I could use a break for my mental health and I did not go to the hospital. It didn’t help much, instead of getting a headache from the smells and alarms in the hospital, I worried too much and felt guilty for not going to visit. I did enjoy my time with Trevor today but even he was feeling cranky and cried a lot today and needed to be held.
Bill went to the hospital and spent the entire day with Brendan. He came home long enough to log in to do some work and then went back again to be there to meet the night nurse.
Brendan is doing well from a respiratory standpoint. The doctors are really happy with how his lungs sound and his color looks really good. The weaned down his pressure support and O2 level and he is doing better. But he is absolutely miserable without heavy drug interference. They even had to start using morphine again today which I find upsetting. We expressed to the doctors our concerns about dependency and also the fact that he will need the morphine and fentanyl for when he has his surgery and they need to work for him. He should not be working on building a resistance to it now. It already takes a larger dose to have an effect. The Gabapentin will take some time to kick in. The Ativan is already not working for him like it used to.
We just have to hope that he will get better every day and can get some relief from the pain so he does not have to be like this all the way until surgery time – whenever that might be. I am not sure I can handle months of this waiting.
He does have some moments of awake time without crying, but he is very easily tipped in to a total crying meltdown. Bill was usually able to calm him and was real firm with the nurses and doctors about disturbing him as little as possible.
Trevor got a super long bath this morning and then gave me the same pathetic crying he would use on Gramma when he got out of the tub. He got all dressed up pretty today but had nowhere to go.
The shorts are cute but not real comfortable for naps so he put on some soft pants. Don’t we all just want to lounge around in soft pants?
He would only sleep today if he was next to me so I could keep his little legs moving.
Trevor does love his mobile. I think the lion is his favorite. He talks to it a lot more than this usually, but I love the smiles in the video.
Super cute video! I love the shorts, too.
Brendan looks a little better under all of the new equipment on his face.
I’m sure Trevor enjoyed his day with you, and you needed a break from that hospital room.
Tuesday will be here before you know it, and hopefully the answers to the situation will come, too.
Give my babies kisses and “smothering” until I am back to do it for myself. Lots of love to you all.
My hope, today. My wish today, is that Brendan will come to understand just how wonderful his Mother and Father are, and that between the bumpy rides, life really can be good………and that mischief is more fun when shared with a brother.
Today, my prayers are for all of you.
Love,
Dad