Today was just plain miserable. I don’t know what is going on yet with the boys, that is part of the frustration of it all. Trevor is cutting his last teeth (canines on top) and that could explain his mood, his pain, and his runny nose. It is running clear and no other symptoms yet. Or maybe he has a cold and it will get worse before it gets better.
He cried from 5am through just after noon, with screaming, fits and tantrums. When Bill was able to take a lunch break, I put Trevor in the car and drove him around until he was able to fall asleep.
Brendan had a good night, but he was crabby and probably annoyed with Trevor’s crying all morning. He was jealous of me trying to comfort Trevor and pretty much cried all morning unless I was holding him and standing. He fell asleep during speech therapy and then slept for 20 minutes and was up for the day.
I am still weak and tired and just starting to be able to tolerate eating some things. I still have a bad headache and I am just drained, emotionally raw, mentally exhausted. Days like this are depressing and just drive home how isolated we are. I can’t have a kind neighbor over to watch Brendan so I can take a nap.
After Trevor’s car nap, things got marginally better. I tried to get the boys playing, and it would last only a short time. Then they would be in to nothing but trouble. It is constant.
Trevor was obviously not himself
There were silly moments
Trevor wants Brendan to chase him, and he does. Sometimes they end up playing crawling chicken where they head right for each other laughing. Most of the time they stop in time, but there were some head bonks.
As the night went on, Brendan started to do worse. He vomited quite a few times, bringing up slime and a little bile. I put him back on his mist collar and just tried to keep him comfortable. He did a lot of crying. You can tell he is not himself.
Brendan is cutting teeth too, so it could very well be all the drool and irritation that is making Brendan gag and throw up. He is putting his fingers in his mouth a lot and gagging himself that way too. But I always am nervous that he is getting sick, especially when we just got over all the crud.
I have such a terrible time with the throw up, especially the gooey medical formula smelling throw up.
I did my share of crying today too, but I can’t drown myself in self-pity because things could be a lot worse and we have gone through so much more. I hope we all feel rested and better tomorrow.
I really do hope that everyone starts feeling so much better soon!
I hardly know what to say after reading the blog. I wish there were some magic words that could help to take away all of your worries and make everyone feel better.
It’s pretty amazing that you are able to hold it all together the way you do and have for so long now. You have been strong when others couldn’t have been.
It’s no wonder that with how sick you have been that you are feeling overwhelmed and drained. As you said, you have been through so much, and yet you have done whatever it took to get through it.
I can’t tell you how many times I have talked about you and how amazing you are in so many ways. Just last night I sang your praises, from the artwork hanging in my front hallway, the tye dyed embroidered “Gramma shirt” I was wearing, to your ability to do anything creative or artistic, your computer skills, your capacity for caring and giving, your kind and generous heart, your ability to face a problem with determination to make it right, and most of all, your way of being an amazing mother.
The boys would not be doing so well and making such wonderful progress if not for you. (with Bill’s help, of course) You devote your life to those little boys. I know it’s not easy. The isolation you feel must get to be unbearable at times. It will not be forever, even though that’s what it feels like right now. You’ve come so far already, and you will reap the rewards of all your sacrifices some day.
I am so very proud of you, and every day with this blog, you amaze me with all the time and effort and love that goes into it.
I love you more than I could ever tell you, but I think you know now how I feel because you have two amazing adorable little boys that make you feel the same way.
With love from the bottom of my heart and wishes for you to feel better, and that those precious boys will feel better, too.
Sleep well, my beautiful daughter,
Mom
Good morning from the East Coast! My hoping that your next blog would be of a healing family, just went out the window! Ditto and ditto again to Mom’s blog! II also feel her frustration that, that she is not, just down the street. I wish that I too were just down the street, we would be there in a heartbeat. Just know that we feel your sadness and frustration. You and Bill will keep a close eye on the boys, and hopefully you will be feeling better, like now, and can better cope with the chaos around you. Hang in Tiffanie, know that you are loved! Prayers, many healing hugs and lots of love! 🙂
What a beautiful tribute you mother has written again to you. I think I know where you get some of your beautiful traits. It breaks my heart that you feel isolated and I wish I could help. Geez you can tell even by the pictures that neither boy feels well whatever the problem. Their little eyes are so telling. If there is anything at all that I can do please call me. v
Tiffanie,
Your Nana would say ” This too shall pass “, but that doesn’t do anything to give you the strength and courage to “continue”.
Take your mother’s words to heart, she has been there, and she has dealt with it. She had you and Heather and a brand new Shannon to deal with, and I was deployed for six months, leaving eight days after Shannon was born. She understands “isolation”.
You, Tiffanie, are strong enough, caring and loving enough, and of strong enough will, to get through this. Don’t ever doubt yourself. There are far too many others who ‘do not’, doubt, you, and you are in our hearts and thoughts as you go through these days.
Loving you always,
Dad
We’re sending all of the best hugs and wishes we can!