There is a lot that has been on my mind today about things that I could write about tonight, but as the day goes on, I realize that those things are not all that important and not worth documenting. I don’t want to rant about the hospital because in spite of all of the stress this place causes me, these people are keeping Brendan alive and some of them are doing it with great compassion.

Brendan has not made much progress but he may be marginally better today, it is hard to say. I did finally get the answers I was hoping for though about just why his sats drop so much. This viral infection is creating inflammation and increased pulmonary pressure. Because Brendan’s blood flow to his lungs is passive, increased pressure means more difficulty getting his blood through his lungs to his heart.
His little body is working so hard just to breathe and he is coughing so much that he is exhausted. He spent most of the day asleep in someone’s arms. We are set for night number two. There is nothing they can do for the virus, Brendan has to beat it and then he should improve greatly. Unfortunately, the ventilator isn’t helping as much in this situation because it creates more positive pressure in the lungs. It does do some of the work of breathing so it is a trade off. We allow Brendan’s body a break at the expense of even lower sats.

Bill and Trevor came by this morning to bring stuff we needed and to visit. Bill has been hit hard with this bug and is feeling terrible. Trevor seems to be recovering. I have a painful cough and am starting to feel the sinus pressure. I only saw Trevor for a short time and then Bill took him home for his routine-as-possible day.

While he was here, I took him to the parent lounge. He loved the squishy color-changing floor tiles and danced on them a while to get his wiggles out.

Brendan had a very short period of wakefulness while I bathed him and changed his trach ties. He was happy to see his iGuy.

Most of the day, he was just was so tired

After a very nerve-wracking start to the day with a very blue baby, the x-ray team came and did a chest x-ray. (Still looks good, no pneumonia) When they left, I found this in the bed. It threw me for a moment then I realized it was a lead shield.

It is so hard to sleep comfortably when you are a living spaghetti.

If I use the remote baby spy cam to check in on home, this is what is sitting in Brendan’s crib. Thanks, Bill! That is cute!

Trevor enjoying dinner with Daddy

Brendan’s home night nurse came in on her own time and cuddled him and allowed me to feel comfortable leaving the room to get some dinner and to take a shower this evening. That is priceless and quite appreciated.
We also found out today that Gramma cracked under the pressure of worry and will be returning to AZ after a six month break to help out. This was great news. We can’t wait to see her.

As I get ready to try to get some rest on this weird fly trap of a couch they have, I hear a poor tiny baby down the hall just screaming and screaming. It reminds me of Brendan so long ago and helps put perspective to this stay. I am sad for that family and hope the best for that little one.

I miss all of my boys tonight. I can’t wait to see Brendan’s bright eyes and huge smile again so we can be together as a family.